


All Clean

by QueenOfCarrotFlowers



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mythology, Centaurs, Crack, Exemplary Hygeine, F/M, Finnreylo, Hand Jobs, Kylo Ren is a Centaur, Kylo Ren is a Satyr, Kylo Ren is a mushroom now, Mentions of childhood abandonment, Praise Kink, Protection against uti, Rey is a Human, Size Kink, Threesome - F/M/M, anyway rey fucks a mushroom, autocannibalism if you squint, but it's not that deep, incest mention in chapter three, like eating a scab, mention of past noncon but both Rey and Kylo are enthusiastically consensual, the real satyrs are the friends you make along the way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2020-03-02 08:03:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18807073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfCarrotFlowers/pseuds/QueenOfCarrotFlowers
Summary: Rey is a witch in the forest, and sometimes she gets horny. Who does she fuck? All kinds of people. This is her story.





	1. the night visitor

**Author's Note:**

  * For [persimonne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/persimonne/gifts), [flypaper_brain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flypaper_brain/gifts), [Zabeta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zabeta/gifts).



> After some demand, there will be a few more chapters of this. We'll see satyr!Kylo and Rey figuring out how to make it work considering his massive size, and the soldiers will return, which means there will be a bit of finnreylo and also some mythical!Benlo, if that's your thing. I will tag the chapters so you can skip what you don't want. I'm so pleased that people are enjoying this weird cracky thing and I'm excited to write a bit more of it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has a midnight visitor, but there's something they need to do before they can get it on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for Persimonne.
> 
> Persimonne and I saw [this post](https://ekatheartist.tumblr.com/post/184547719106/myths-of-the-ancient-galaxy) and had a conversation about cleanliness and UTIs so I wrote this for her.

Rey sat up in bed, awake with a jolt. The evening storm had passed, and all was silent except for a gentle sound of dripping through the window, the remnants of the rain still sloughing off the leaves.

Something had awakened her. Rey normally slept like a log, out here in her cottage in the forest. There were no other people around for miles, and she knew all the animals, all the trees, and they knew her. There was no reason for her to be careful, or to sleep lightly. If she was awake, it was because of something. But she didn't recall a noise; she'd fallen asleep as the worst of the storm passed over, and the thunder had helped to lull her to sleep.

In the summer she didn't leave a fire burning overnight, so the room was nearly as black as pitch. She was reaching for the flint she kept with the oil lamp beside her bed when she realized what it was that had pulled her from sleep.

It was a scent. Something was different about the scent of her house. Normally it smelled of the herbs and flowers she cut from the garden, and the teas and tinctures she made from them; a fresh, organic smell. And the scent of the food she cooked, and her own body, and the soap she made to clean herself. All these things were familiar. 

This scent was also organic, but dark; like dirt from under the ground, or blood. Or... fur. The scent was fur.

With a gasp Rey grabbed for the flint, but a pair of large, warm, rough hands grabbed both her wrists before she could reach it.

"I don't think you want to do that, little girl," a gruff voice growled from the darkness above her head. "It will be easier for both of us if you can't see me."

"What... what will be easier?" Rey replied, trying to sound brave and fearing she was failing miserably.

The creature - for of course it was a creature - moved her right hand forward, and she gasped as her palm rubbed up against skin, smooth skin, soft and slightly slick to the touch but hard underneath. She was no innocent, she knew exactly what it was, and she bit her lip as she felt her body respond. Her inner muscles relaxed in anticipation of the upcoming breach, and her body released the slick that would be required, given the creature's massive girth. Her fingers gripped the object, which was so large she couldn't enclose all of it. The creature groaned.

"I have watched you for weeks, from the dark of the forest," the creature growled, want heavy in its voice. "And I am tired of waiting. I will have you now."

"Oh my god, _yes_ ," she moaned.

"I... what?" the creature stammered. Clearly this is not what it was expecting to hear.

"Are you kidding me?" Rey said, and tugged her wrists out of the creature's surprise-slackened hands to reach for the flint. "Your cock is huge, and I haven't had a good dicking down since the last time the King's retinue came through the forest. That was almost four months ago, and cucumbers and aubergines can only get you so far."

She lit the lamp as quickly as she could, and turned back to inspect the creature who had so brazenly invaded her home.

His cock was the first thing she saw, because from her seated position it was still right there in her face. And it was very large - long and hard and thick, the foreskin pulled down to expose the round head, which was flushed a deep red, almost purple, and leaking copious amounts of precum. As she watched, a large drip rolled off the tip and landed on the floor with a _plop_.

The rest of him was as massive as the size of his cock would suggest; at least eight feet tall from the bottom of his hooves to the tips of the horns that curled out from the sides of his forehead. His shoulders were broad, thighs thick, and his entire body was heavy with muscle. His legs had two knees, the top knees bending forwards like a human's, but then a second pair that bent backwards, like a goat's. His top half was hairless and smooth, aside from the black waves of hair that flowed across his forehead and down to his shoulders, but his bottom half was thick with black fur, fur which exuded a strong, musky scent. Perhaps his whole body did, his very pores. His cock was the only skin that she could see below his bellybutton. 

She tilted her head up - all the way up - to get a better look at his face. At the moment he looked a bit bemused, which she could understand. He was probably used to forcing himself on unwilling partners. Lucky for both of them, then, that Rey was both very horny and open minded about fucking the woodland spirits. His face, however, was attractive - despite their reputations Rey found that the spirits were not normally very beautiful - with a broad mouth, lips pink and full, large brown eyes, and a large nose that Rey hoped would nudge between her legs at some point in the next few hours. He was looking back at her, his eyes raking her naked body up and down. She liked his large pupils and dripping precum; she liked them very much.

The creature remained quiet, so Rey put her hand on his thigh to urge him a step backwards, and stood up. Her head barely reached his pectoral muscles.

"Perfect," she mumbled, and placed her palm on his stomach, just above where his cock still stood at attention, jutting out of the thatch of fur in his groin. "Well, almost perfect."

She ambled across the room to the basin, where she kept a jug of water at the ready, just in case.

"Excuse me," the creature said, still standing next to her bed, "but do I understand correctly that you  _want_ to lay with me?"

Rey poured some of the water in the jug into the basin before she responded. "Oh, yes. I hope that's okay?" Only then did it occur to her that he might prefer an unwilling mate. "Um, I can fight you, if you'd like?"

"Oh no, no!" He said, finally moving closer, his scent growing stronger as he approached her. "It would be nice to lie with someone who wanted to be with me, for a change."

She smiled up at him and was delighted to see a flush spread from the apples of his cheeks all the way up to the pointy tips of his ears, which peeked out of his hair in a manner that Rey found quite enchanting.

"Good," she said, and grabbed his elbow to pull him closer, stepping back to avoid the messy tip of his cock, which bobbed around as he walked. Despite his bulk and heavy hooves he moved silently, which explained how he was able to sneak into her house without her hearing him. She was very impressed, and her mind went to the games they might play later, out in the forest.

"But before we do anything," Rey said, encouraging him towards the basin and picking up a bar of soap, "I'm going to wash you."

The creature frowned. "I never wash. Why wash?"

Rey rolled her eyes and started soaping up her hands. "When the King's retinue were here - there were eight of them, I think - I didn't insist that they bathe first and I had infections for weeks after. I ate so many cranberries. Do you know how hard it is to get cranberries out here? I'm sure you don't - it's very difficult. And I don't want to eat any more of them, even months later I'm so sick of them. So I am going to soap you down and clean you up - not  _all_ of you, silly thing, just any part of you that's going inside me - and then we can get started. Okay?"

The creature stepped up so his cock hung over the basin. "Okay."

Rey's excitement increased as she took him in hand and started to soap him up. As she worked her hands up and down his length, she thought about all the things she wanted to do with him.

"I want this in all my holes. Can you do that?"

"Oh my," he moaned.

"I suppose that's a yes. You're so big and strong, I hope you'll be willing to pick me up. Against the wall? Ohhhh, or outside against a tree. Maybe we don't even need that, you're so strong you can probably just hold me in your arms and fuck me like that, can't you."

The creature didn't even answer, just moaned again, louder. He was moaning all the time, now. Rey increased her ministrations, getting more and more excited as she spoke.

"I don't think you'll fit all in my mouth, but I want to find out. Oh, and I want to penetrate you too. I have a crystal phallus that I used with the soldiers, would you be..." but she couldn't finish her sentence because the creature came with a roar, his spend shooting out of his cock and hitting the wall with a wet  _splat_. They stood together for a moment and watched the thick white fluid drip down the wall.

"Wow," Rey said, and grinned up at him. He looked very embarrassed, but managed to smile back at her. She noticed then that his teeth were quite sharp, and it just made her more wet.

His cock softened as she rinsed off the soap, but began to get hard again after she dried it off and placed a few sweet kisses against it.

"All clean," she murmured, pressing her lips against the tip of it and giving it a tentative lick.

"All clean," he echoed, and placed his hands on her shoulders for the first time.

"Oh!" she cried, grabbing his wrists and pulling his hands off of her. "We almost forgot your hands!"

He chuckled, and reached for the soap. "We wouldn't want to forget my hands."

She eyed his hands. His fingers, like the rest of him, were massive. "No we would not."


	2. those hands pulled me from the earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gentle people and violent, it is my pleasure to introduce: SHROOMLO
> 
> Kylo the satyr and the King's retinue have been away for almost a month and Rey is getting frustrated. When a giant mushroom sprouts up next to the garden, Rey decides to take matters into her own hands. She ends up getting a lot more than she bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a birthday gift for flypaper_brain, because she is the best and we love her. She is the kindest, most supportive person I know, and my only regret in gifting this story to her is that she wasn't available to work with us on it, that would have been fun! But we brainstormed together and many of her ideas are in the final story. Love you forever, Lindsey ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> Ten thousand thank yous to Zabeta for her beta work on this, her suggestions improved it in so many ways. And thank you to radioactivesaltghoul for the encouragement!
> 
> This isn't the update I promised, but it's an update, and there's smut, so I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> (Be sure to stick around for the NSFW illustration by Persimonne at the end!)

Rey was just a little bit frustrated.

She thought she had a right to be frustrated, having been _all by herself out in the middle of the woods for almost a month_ , and she was expressing it as calmly as she could. She knocked the crockery about a touch more fiercely than necessary, closed the front door to the cottage with more force than was technically required, pulled the weeds out of the garden more violently than she needed to. But still, she was _horny_ , and when she was this horny not even her crystal phallus would do the trick.

Kylo - the satyr with the huge cock - had taken off weeks before, claiming some mysterious quest he had to undertake on the other side of the kingdom. He'd promised to be back soon, and she had no reason to doubt him - he’d always returned to her before when he’d gone away, braying like a mule and ready to fuck for days. She rather liked it when he went away, simply because the sex was so good whenever he showed up again. But the operative phrase of that sentence was _showed up_ , and as long as he was away he wasn’t doing her any good at all.

The King's retinue had come through the forest not long after he’d left, and they had all had a great time, Rey and the eight of them - or was it nine? Although they’d all missed having Kylo with them, she had still been unable to walk for a day after they’d left. She’d remembered to make them bathe, so she hadn’t even been stuck with any kind of infection, so she counted the entire event to have been quite successful. But that had been _ages_ ago, sexually speaking; she used to be able to go months without, but having easy access to Kylo for the last - year? Was it already a whole year? How time flies - had really skewed her expectations.

Frankly, Rey needed a fuck.

She wiped the dirt from her hands and took a break from her work to wander through the garden and up the hill towards the edge of the forest. At this time of the morning the angle of the sun hit the trees just right, and the leaves - which were just beginning their slow shift toward gold - glowed in the light. The ground, littered with mounds of leaves left over from previous years, warmed under the sunbeam and Rey sniffed deeply to take in the sweet scent of the soil. She was disappointed, then, to find that the usual fresh aroma was overlaid with something rotten - a repugnant stench that had her covering her nose with the kerchief she kept tucked in her belt. She glanced around, searching for the source of the stink, until finally she saw it - she saw _it_ , and what an _it_ it was.

It looked exactly like a cock sticking out of the ground, with a long, thick greyish stalk and a darker, almost purple cap that fit narrowly over the top. She took a few steps closer, to get a better look. It was not as formidable as Kylo’s monster dong, but comparable to the largest of the soldiers’. It was also covered in a layer of thick yellow goo, which - knowing a little bit about fungus - she expected was the source of the foul odor. She stood for a long time, kerchief pressed against her face, chewing on her lower lip. By the time she came to a decision, the sun had shifted and the disgusting, dick-shaped mushroom glowed rancid in the brightest part of the sunbeam. Finally Rey gave herself a decisive nod, turned around, and rushed back towards her cottage.

She returned minutes later with a pitcher of water, a bowl, a rag, and a small towel. Holding her breath she approached the phallic mushroom, kneeled down beside it, and quickly poured out some of the water into the bowl. She soaked the rag in it and got to work scrubbing away at the yellow goo. Part of her was worried that the assault would make the thing break down, but it was remarkably resilient. It withstood her ministrations and even - was this possible? - seemed to grow firmer as she worked. Within a few minutes it was clean. Satisfied, she poured the last of the clean water from the pitcher over it, rinsing it well, before tossing the pitcher aside and patting the fungal dildo dry with the towel. It no longer reeked, and from up close she could appreciate the perfection of its proportions, and the fine glow of its pale… well, not skin. Whatever it is you call the top layer of a mushroom. Rey didn’t know, and she didn’t care, because she was _horny_ and once she’d decided that she was going to fuck the mushroom she was bloody well going to _fuck that mushroom_.

Steadying herself with a deep breath, there was only one thing left to decide before she was going to do _it_. She was torn between riding the fungal swelling _in situ,_ right there where it protruded out of the ground, or tugging it up and taking it back to the house with her and using it on the bed. Or the table. Or maybe against the wall - there were many options, really, and she was only beginning to consider them now that the thing was clean enough to put in her cunt. It hadn’t detached from the mycelium while she was cleaning it, and when she tugged on it now it still stayed firm. She yanked it one final time and shrugged. She couldn’t take it into the house, but at least it wasn’t going to come off inside her no matter how hard she fucked it. She gave it one last squeeze - for luck - got up on her knees and crawled over it, checking the angle to make sure it would work for her, settled the head of the thing between her pussy lips, and proceeded to shift her hips down so the purplish tip of it rubbed up and over her clit, then back down again as she shifted her hips up. It was just the right size to rub against that particularly sensitive patch of skin, slightly pointed but nevertheless smooth; it was cold at first but it warmed up after a few minutes of her gentle stroking.

Although Rey had wanted a dicking down _forever_ , she still enjoyed teasing herself, so she settled on doing that for a while. She continued moving her hips slowly, almost languidly, which caused the mushroom cap to stroke from the edge of her opening up to her clit and back again. She was dripping, and with every pass by her opening the tip of the thing would pick up a bit of juice and spread it up and down her, until her lips were drenched and her come was dripping down the stalk.

Oh, she wanted that thing inside her. She wanted it _bad_ , to fill herself with that gorgeous phallic mushroom. But she hesitated, because she knew that as soon as she did it would be over, and she didn’t want it to be over even though she could already tell that the orgasm she was working up to would be a screamer, one that would frighten the squirrels and rabbits who lived on the edge of the forest. There was a part of her that was sorry when she frightened them like that, but there was a larger part that enjoyed it even though it was a little mean (and the woodland creatures loved her and would always, always forgive her). And she did, after all, want to have an orgasm; that’s what this whole production was about, right? To come so hard she could see the future? So after just a few more strokes - thick, glorious, wet strokes, slower than the others but better, because she was anticipating what was coming next - she sat up on her knees again, checked to make sure her skirts were hiked all the way up to her waist, and impaled herself on the strange mushroom cock.

The mushroom stretched her walls and rubbed at the nerves she had been teasing in the most delicious way. It was so perfect she could feel the warmth of a building orgasm starting in her belly immediately. She encouraged it, riding the fungal dong in long, slow strokes, speeding up as the crest of her pleasure approached. And then it hit, and she pressed her backside down against the cold ground to take in as much of the mysterious phallus as she could, now hot from her body and slick with her juices. She rode out her orgasm, but before it was quite over, the ground shifted under her and the stalk of the mushroom thrust up two more inches out of the ground. Rey squeaked and took it all, and the suddenness of the added length triggered a second orgasm, even stronger than the first. Practically out of her mind, Rey screamed, lifting her hips and thrusting herself onto the mushroom over and over and over again.

The orgasm was so intense that it wasn't until it was over that she realized the mushroom had been moving in time with her thrusts, and there was a pair of large, cool hands gripping her hips from behind.

Rey screamed again, for an entirely different reason, and a deep voice answered in a shout from just behind her. She clamored to her feet, pulled down her skirts, and turned around to find a most amazing sight.

A man was lying in the dirt, as though the ground itself had pushed him up and out. He was tall, over six feet - not as tall as the satyr but of similar height and build to the largest of the King's retinue. He was caked in dirt, but even so she could see that his skin was pallid, slightly grey. His hair, though, was the color of a raven's wings, and his eyes were a beautiful shade of brown, the color of honey in sunlight. His mouth was wide and made Rey think of sinning, and as she watched he opened it and said, "please."

She was uncertain what exactly he meant until she followed his arms down to his hands, which were clutching the fungal phallus that she had ridden to orgasm - to _two_ orgasms - only moments earlier. They had been good orgasms, and it was only fair that she return the favor

Rey crouched down next to him, shooed his hands away and, without a word, licked a long stripe from the base of the stalk, up the length of it - still very warm, and tangy from her juices - and popped the cap in her mouth. She kept her eyes on him as she did it, and he stared down at her, his eyes wide, mouth open. She took his… cock -- she supposed it must be his cock -- to the back of her throat and suckled it, pressing her tongue and cheeks against it rhythmically as she sucked and swallowed. He groaned, a deep noise that sounded as though it came up from the ground itself, and she took great pleasure in watching as his eyes slowly closed and his head fell back into the dirt.

Slowly she drew her mouth back up and off, and he whined and looked back down at her. His lower lip trembled deliciously.

"Please," he whined, and she grinned at him and placed a kiss on the cap… tip… whatever. She kept her hand stroking up and down the stalk. Er, shaft.

"I will make you come, I promise, but you need to do something for me, okay?"

He nodded vigorously, and she gave him a quick lick to let him know she was happy with him.

"Good boy. Now, when I found this bit of you sticking out of the ground it was coated in some really nasty stuff. Do you know what I'm talking about?"

"Mama called it gleba."

"Oooooookay. That's interesting. Anyway, I fear that when you come that stuff if going to come out of your, uh, thing, and I do not under any circumstances want that stuff anywhere near my mouth."

"Yeah it smells pretty bad. I'm sorry."

She gave him a squeeze and was rewarded with a positively delicious mewl.

"That's okay, baby. I just need you to warn me. And you will need to finish with your hand. Okay?"

"Okay."

She took it back into her mouth - it really was a delightful size and shape, even if it was made of fungus and filled with something truly disgusting - and sucked and suckled, licked and hummed, while the mushroom man writhed and cried and wound her hair around his fingers. She was honestly disappointed when he yelled for her to get back.

"It's gonna come, gonna come, better get away, milady!"

His warning was just in time, Rey barely had time to take three steps before the man squealed and she smelled the distinctive stench of carrion that had already spent three days under the summer sun.

"Blech," she said.

"Blech," the mushroom man said. His declaration was followed by the distinctive sound of eating, and Rey worked very hard not to retch as she picked up the pitcher at her feet and hurried back to the house.

When she returned a moment later with fresh water and a rag, the man was standing, looking down at himself with an expression of wonder on his face.

“I got big,” he said, looking at her with eyes wide and shining.

She dipped the rag in the water and handed it to him.

"Oh, yeah? Well, use this to clean up, uh, whatever's left."

He took it and got to work on a dark stain on his upper thigh.

"Mama always told me I should clean up after myself," he said. Rey wasn't sure how to respond to that, so she waited until he was done. He handed the rag back to her - she took it by the corner and draped it over the handle of the pitcher - and went back to examining himself, his arms and legs and torso and especially his cock, which had softened and shrunk but which was still an impressive size.

Rey examined him too; he was big. In fact, he was shockingly jacked for a creature that had grown in the earth, thick all over with large hands and feet. Although he was shaped like a man he was clearly not human. His skin was the color of mushrooms, and there were small mushroom-shaped protrusions that clustered on his shoulders and elbows. He also had two larger protrusions on either side of his head, which gave the impression of horns. He reminded her an awful lot of the satyr, the more she thought about it. Much more innocent than that one, but similar nonetheless.

Rey turned and started walking towards the cottage, and he followed her. As they sauntered together down the garden path and into the yard, the man gazed around some more.

"Everything got smaller!" he exclaimed.

“Really?” Rey said absently, not sure what he was talking about. She figured he would explain eventually.

Rey poured the water out beside the door and gestured for him to follow her inside. He started to lower himself on the stool, but she took him by the elbow and led him to sit on the edge of the bed. The stool was tiny and very low to the ground, and he would look ridiculous squatting on it; the bed would be much more dignified. Rey doubted that he cared, but she did.

He looked around the one room of the cottage much as he had outside. He pointed at the stool.

"I used to sit on that stool, while Mama cooked her dinner."

"Your Mama lived here?" Rey asked as she sat down next to him on the straw mattress, the wheels in her head slowly spinning. "Who was she?"

His face brightened as a smile spread across it. He was remarkably appealing, in a way that sparked warmth at the apex of her thighs.

"She was beautiful. She pulled me from the earth, that's how I was born. She wanted a baby, so she made a potion, and then, there I was!" His eyes focused on Rey. "Will you be my Mama now?"

"Oh, nooooooo, I think that would be highly inappropriate, considering how we met."

He nodded, and didn't seem disappointed at all by her rejection. "That's okay. I like you but I would really like my own Mama back."

"Was she very tall?"

The mushroom man looked thoughtful.

"Can you stand over by the hearth?"

She could. As soon as she got there and turned around, he shouted, "She was shorter than you! And she wore a grey cape, and her hair was on the sides of her head instead of on the back."

"Oh," Rey said, returning to sit next to him and taking his hand. "I knew her."

"Oh!" He said, looking hopeful until he took in her expression. His face fell. "Oh."

"Yeah, she took me in when my parents abandoned me, raised me as her own daughter. But she left, oh, about four years ago. Something about a brother, and a husband - I never knew she had one - and she just took off one day."

Tears glistened in the corners of the mushroom man's eyes, and Rey placed her right hand on his chest, over where his heart would have been, if he'd had one.

"Did she," he sputtered, as a single tear escaped his eye and tracked down his cheek, "ever mention her son?"

"She did," Rey said, her other hand stroking up his back. He shuddered. "She said she'd lost him, and I assumed she meant he died, but maybe she just forgot where she buried you."

He released a wet chuckle.

"That sounds like Mama."

Rey continued rubbing his back and patting his chest, and he closed his eyes and leaned into her.

"Why did your Mama bury you?" Rey asked quietly.

"I got sick. She said I needed to get better in the ground so she buried me and told me she would dig me up later. Then I fell asleep, and I only woke up when you did that thing." 

"I'm glad I did."

Rey enjoyed how his strange, cool skin warmed under her gentle stroking.

"You feel good," he said after a while. "You're warm, and your skin is so soft."

"Oh yeah?" She wrapped her arms around him and rested her cheek against the plane of his chest. It was smooth and cool and oddly solid. "I suppose if you've been under the ground for so many years you haven't had a lot of hugs, have you."

He shook his head and tears dripped down onto her arm. She gave him another squeeze and then traced her fingers down his arm, stroked each of his fingers, and then back up, being careful to avoid the clusters of mushrooms. Being a mushroom himself he didn't breathe but he sat still, eyes shut, a look of bliss on his face.

"Is this okay?"

"Hmm," he replied, and she continued moving her hands over his body, across his chest and his back, his hips and thighs, for many long minutes. Eventually she moved her right hand down his stomach, towards his cock, which was once more standing at attention between his legs, the tip of it flushing a delightful shade of purple. She let her left hand slide towards the cluster of mushrooms growing on his shoulder. "This feels good?"

"Yeah," he replied breathily. "Real good."

"Can I touch these?" She asked, grazing the largest of the shoulder mushrooms with her fingertip. He moaned, which sent a shock down her spine. She was beginning to feel quite aroused.

"Yeah," he said once he'd caught his breath. "It feels real good. Mama told me not to touch them but I did it anyway, when she wasn't watching."

Rey hummed and gave the cap a squeeze. The man squealed and writhed, so she pinched it again.

"Do these things have gleba, too?"

"No," he choked out, eyes dark with desire. "Just my big one does. Those just-"

She gave it another squeeze and a little twist, and he cried out as the little mushroom came off in her hand.

"Oh my goddess!" She shouted, "Mother of Norns! I'm so sorry!"

It took her a moment to realize he was laughing.

"It's quite alright, milady," he said, plucking the mushroom out of her hand with his fingers and popping it into his mouth. "Tha's wha hap'ns," he continued, chewing. "Umpheel s'good, 'n comes off." He swallowed, and his expression grew wistful. "That's how Mama always knew when I was playing with myself."

"Ah," said Rey. "Okay."

When the mushroom man looked at her again his eyes were still dark.

"I wish to go on a quest, to find my Mama. But before I leave, I must ask: what was the thing you did to me in the garden? The thing that woke me up?"

"You mean the thing where I," she lowered her hand all the way and gripped his cock stalk in her fist, then gave it a nice squeeze. He moaned and thrust up into her hand.

" _Yes_ , that. Is there a name for it?"

"It's called fucking," Rey answered, scooting closer so her breast pressed against him through her kirtle. "Do you like to fuck?"

He nodded his head so violently his hair got in her mouth.

"Oh yes, I like it very much. Do you do that often, to wake people in the earth?"

"You're the only creature I've ever awakened like that," she replied, spitting his hair out of her mouth.

"Really?" Both his eyebrows and his voice raised sweetly. "I feel very special."

"You are special, my dear.”

Rey considered the other part of the question as she stood and pulled her gown and kirtle over her head, letting them fall unceremoniously to the ground before climbing into his lap.

"I do it often, because it feels good," she finally answered, placing her hands carefully on his shoulders so she could stroke the smaller mushrooms should the spirit move her. He placed his hands around her hips and guided her as she ran her cunt - so hot and wet and ready to be fucked again - up and down his mushroom cock. "And I like to feel good."

"Me too," he said, lowering his gaze to her mouth. "I wanna make you feel good too, milady."

"Suck my tit," she instructed, and helped him lower his mouth to her stiff and rosy nipple. "Feel free to bite it, if you wish." The inside of his mouth was cold and had a strange texture, but he sucked well so she couldn't really complain.

Very soon Rey was ready, and she tugged the man's hair as she lowered herself slowly, so slowly, onto his schlong of fungus. She shifted her hips experimentally before finally riding him in earnest.

"Okay, my good boy," she breathed, pumping up and down on his cock, "what's the rule?"

"Tell you when it's gonna come so you can get away," he whined.

"That's right," she said, tugging his hair again for being right. He yipped like a little dog and gripped her hips harder. She would have bruises, and she was looking forward to them. "But I'm gonna come on you three times - one, two, three - before you do. Okay?"

"Uhhh," his eyes crossed, "I don't know what that means but whatever you say, milady."

That was good enough for her.

* * *

The mushroom man - whom Rey had christened Kylo when he confessed that he no longer remembered his name - figured things out very quickly, so Rey got her three orgasms before she had to jump off and help clean him up. Since mushrooms don't sleep or eat they had an amazing rest of the day, and night, and she did after all have her mushroom on the bed, and the table, and against the wall. The ordeal left Rey tired and sore but she figured it would tide her over until either Kylo the satyr or the King's retinue (or both, she prayed for both) showed up again.

The next morning she dressed Kylo the mushroom man in clothes that some large person or other had left in the cottage and sent him on his way to find his Mama. She gave him a map of the kingdom, a hunting knife, and a bag of gold and silver coins, and instructed him in which direction his Mama had set out. She also issued him an invitation to stop by any time he was in the area.

"Oh yeah," he promised, "I will, whenever I'm close. I really like fucking you, milady. I hope we can do it again someday."

"Me too, Kylo," she said, giving him another hug. "I'd like to fuck you again someday, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Accompanying artwork by the incomparable persimonne!
> 
> [Gleba!](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gleba) It's disgusting! Don't eat it!
> 
> The chapter title is from Hozier's "Like Real People Do" because I am a ho and every story needs to have a Hozier or Mumford and Sons song connection for some reason.
> 
> Somebody shared this photo in a chat and I couldn't stop thinking about shroomlo until I wrote him. I will probably keep thinking about him for a while. He is a _[Phallus impudicus](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phallus_impudicus)_ , aka the common stinkhorn. Flypaper_brain will confirm: they stink!
> 
>  


	3. one centaur, two dicks (finnreylo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sir Finn of the king's retinue stops by to see Rey, but she is already engaged. (She's engaged with Kylo, who is a centaur, who has two dicks). You can probably guess where this is going to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a gift for Zabeta on the occasion of her birthday! This birthday is a major milestone for her, and this chapter is a major milestone for this story (the first group sex, the longest chapter by far) so it only suits that it be gifted to her. Thanks so much for being a wonderful friend, Zabeta!
> 
> The tags for the fic have been updated a bit to take this chapter into account. This chapter is a finnreylo threesome, which includes a bit of finnrey and quite a bit of finnlo in addition to reylo. Please note that there is a very brief mention of father-son incest without condemnation so if you are sensitive to incest you might wish to skip the paragraph that begins "After another few minutes..." Additionally, although Kylo is a centaur - a mythological creature, _not_ a horse - he is very much on the horse end of the spectrum, and there are a few bestiality jokes, so if you are sensitive to that you may wish to skip this chapter entirely.
> 
> Translation of horse speak is in the endnotes.
> 
> Thank you as always to flypaper_brain, beta without peer, who made this easier to read and also added the horse tail language!
> 
> Perfect art of the perfect two-dicked Centaur!Kylo by Persimonne!

Finn’s horse walked with a weariness that the man felt in his bones. It had been a long ride already, three days from the northern reaches of the kingdom, with another two ahead to get them back to the castle, to his own bed and Tempest to his stable. But he had a stop he wished to make in the meantime, and if the stop went off as planned it would give him the energy to make it all the way home with only minor complaints.

He was going to see the witch who lived in the cottage in the woods.

Her name was Rey, and she was… well, she was bewitching, as befits a proper witch. He’d never seen her do what most people would consider magic, but her cottage was full of dried herbs and little bottles with labels he couldn’t read, her garden was full of plants he didn’t recognize, she had a smile that could make your heart beat so fast it made your head hurt, and once she orgasmed so hard she doused three knights with her juice and then passed out on the ground. When she finally came to she grinned at them and complained that she wasn’t finished, and then she’d taken three more of them and done it again. They’d cleaned her cottage and made her dinner by way of thanks, while she napped in her bed, and in the morning she’d kissed them all on the mouth and sent them off with handkerchiefs full of berries and brown bread, and cheese from her goat. At least she told them it was from her goat; the way she grinned made Finn wonder.

Rey was a witch, she was a goddess, and Finn was thrilled at the prospect of having her all to himself for once.

He approached her cottage from the main path, which wound between the trees and passed close by the front of the small dwelling. She lived in a grassy dell in the midst of the forest - cottage and gardens with, he knew, the river running nearby. It was a beautiful, peaceful place, fragrant with flowers and harmonious with the singing of the birds, and yet nobody else lived for miles around, which was a very convenient feature for a location when you were having an orgy. 

He dismounted Tempest and tied the horse to a stump several feet off the path, taking the time to gather some fresh, cool water for him from the river and feeding him a handful of carrots before strapping on his feedbag of oats. Once he was certain that his horse was settled he made his way up into the dell. 

The cottage was still and felt empty as Finn approached it, but as he walked around the side, to where he knew the small wooden door was embedded in the cool stone, he heard a noise coming from the back of the building. He froze at the sound, confused, and his first instinct was to glance back to where he’d left Tempest. The horse was there, his chestnut coat dappled in sunlight that glanced through the leaves of the trees around him. As Finn stared at him the sound came again, and there was no doubt about it - it was the distinctive whinny of a horse. Curious, he followed the sound, sneaking to the back corner of the cottage, and he paused when he heard the whinny again, this time coupled with the soft murmuring of a woman’s voice - Rey’s voice. He stood there for a few minutes, contemplating whether or not he actually wanted to peek around the corner, as he listened to the horse’s whinnys become brays, and Rey’s murmurs become cries. 

It sounded like Rey was fucking a horse, and Finn just wasn’t sure he wanted to be a party to that. Only the longer he stood there and listened, the more he thought - maybe a peek. Just a peek?

So he took a peek, and that peek turned into a glance which extended into a full on stare. It was immediately clear that whatever Rey was fucking, it wasn’t a horse. Well. It was certainly _part_ horse. It had the legs of a horse, and its hooves, it had the massive torso of a horse, and its tail, and even something resembling a horse’s mane. But where the horse’s neck should be, there was another torso - the torso of a man, with the arms of a man, topped by the head of a man. The man’s hair was the horse’s mane, and his torso was very pale, in contrast with the horse body, which was as black and lustrous as the stone of a mourning ring.

The human torso was long and muscular, and although quite pale, it was dotted with a constellation of moles. It was a very fine torso, and Finn admired the broad chest, the abdominal muscles that strained along with the rest of the creature’s body as the back end of it contracted and expanded, and he especially admired the human dick that hung heavy and thick at the very point at which the human torso met the chest of the horse. There was hair hanging from below that human dick, and it took Finn another moment to understand that the hair - shining chestnut, very similar in color and lustre to the coat of his own horse - belonged not to this creature, but to Rey herself. She appeared to be perched on a bench, just under the belly of the horse thing, and although the angle of their bodies didn’t give Finn a clear view of the proceedings, it was clear from the noises she was making that Rey was having a very good time indeed. And judging by the look on the horse man’s face, and the way he fisted his hair and whinnied and neighed, he was having as much fun as she was.

After another few minutes, Rey finally shouted something almost intelligible. It sounded like “Kylo!” - which was strange, because Kylo was the name of the satyr who’d joined them during the last orgy, entertaining the entire group when he had teamed up with Sir Han and his son, Sir Ben, for a rousing threesome that had left both men boneless and whimpering, and the satyr roaring and covered in cum. But Kylo certainly wasn’t here now, so she couldn’t be shouting at him. But then she did it again, and again, and the horse man bellowed, and Rey shrieked that familiar shriek that indicated she was having a really mind blowing orgasm, and Finn doubled over in pleasure because he’d pulled out his own dick as he watched them, had been stroking it with his fist quite vigorously, and he’d managed to come right along with them.

He breathed deeply several times and observed the white strands of his spend as it dripped down the grey stone of the wall of the house, usually a light grey but darker where his fluid had dampened it. When he looked back up again, both the horse man and Rey were staring straight at him. Rey was grinning, that infectious smile that never failed to make his heart speed up, but the horse man scowled and snorted, body tense and tail twitching back and forth in a way that Finn immediately recognized as extreme hostility; remembering the outcome of the last time he’d seen a horse behave in such a manner, he strongly considered fleeing back to the river. 

“Oh, Kylo, don’t be silly,” Rey said, rolling onto her back and giving him a pat on … well, the horse’s chest, but her hand landed quite close to the human dick. The creature shook its head and backed up, giving Rey space to roll off the bench and resettle her skirts before hopping over to Finn and giving him a hug. “What a surprise!” she declared, looking him up and down with eyes bright and cheeks still flushed from her lovemaking. “Looks like you enjoyed that little show.”

Finn glanced at the creature in the garden; when he saw Finn looking at him he shook his raven hair back and stomped his front legs, and he snorted twice more. Rey rolled her eyes, which made Finn smile, and he took a chance, leaning down and kissing her on the lips. She tasted as sweet as always, and smelled like dried flowers and semen. She responded to his kiss, humming and opening her mouth to him, only stopping when a furious squeal sounded behind her; it was so loud it made Finn’s ears ring.

“Kylo!” She looked back over her shoulder. "We literally just finished fucking. This is an old friend of mine, I’m happy to see him, please don’t be rude.” She looked back at Finn and smiled. “I apologize. Kylo is new and just a tiny bit jealous, but if you’re up for it I think we can all be friends together very soon.” 

“His name is Kylo? I thought the satyr was named Kylo.”

Rey hummed. “Well, I don’t actually know their proper names. I call them both Kylo. And the man I pulled out of the ground last week, I call him Kylo, too. It’s less confusing when you only have one name to remember.”

Finn decided it was easier not to acknowledge the man pulled out of the ground at all, and to concentrate on the issue at hand. “Really?”

“Oh, yes. I love being entertained by you and your soldier friends but there are a lot of names to remember. If I could call you all ‘Kylo’ it would make my life that much less difficult. May I call you ‘Kylo’?”

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

She shrugged and smiled, then glanced down again to where Finn was still holding his spent dick in his hand. “Don’t put that away just yet.”

Without waiting for an reply Rey turned around and sashayed back to her jealous horse man, whose tail was still twitching as he glared at Finn, although he softened at Rey’s approach, and he softened even more and grunted softly as she rubbed his horse shoulder up to his withers, and then further up, to caress his human back. He bent his front legs so Rey could speak into his ear, and as she did Finn could tell that he was interested in whatever it was that she was saying; Finn was mostly just glad that his tail ceased twitching. Eventually the horse man nodded his head and stood tall again, then gestured to Finn with a hand, a _come here_ kind of motion, and nickered. Finn walked over slowly, switched his dick from his right hand to his left, quickly wiped the residual drops of cum off his hand onto his trousers - he’d been so preoccupied he hadn’t even noticed it had splattered on him - and held it out to the creature.

“Hello,” he said, in what he thought was a calm and controlled voice, considering the situation. “I’m Sir Finn, of the king’s retinue. How do you do?”

The horse man frowned and gazed at Finn’s hand with dismay, until Finn simply lowered it and shifted nervously from one foot to the other.

Rey rolled her eyes again and sighed. “Kylo can’t speak like a human, but he can understand you.” She turned to address the horse man. “Kylo, this is Finn. He works with the king. He’s one of the people I told you about. Finn likes to fuck, too. See, he already has his cock out.” She gestured to where Finn was still clutching his now very flaccid dick, and Kylo glanced down at it and frowned again, whinnying softly in a manner that definitely sounded disappointed. “Kylo,” Rey said, warning in her voice, “don’t be rude. He’s a grower, not a shower, and he knows how to use it. Finn, this is Kylo. He’s a centaur, you probably figured that out already. He likes to fuck. You probably figured that out, too.”

“Yes, I did notice that, yes.” Rey was always so open with talking about sex that Finn should be used to it, but even though he’d met her a few times it still came as a shock how comfortable she was working out the details of their fornication. It made Finn just a bit uncomfortable, but he appreciated it.

“Anyway, now that we’re all friends, you two stay here and get to know each other; I’m going to get a stool for Finn and then we can have some more fun together.” And Rey skipped off down to the cottage, leaving the man and the centaur alone.

Finn thought it was a little awkward, standing there with the huge creature that he couldn’t really communicate with, his apparently inadequate dick out, chilly and slightly sticky in his hand. He was trying to think of something interesting to say when Kylo nickered again and gestured at the bench that Rey had been lying on when Finn had peeked around the corner of the house just a few minutes before. It took a moment for Finn to understand what the horse man was requesting, but once he did, Finn stepped up on the bench and turned to face him.

With the inches added to his height, Finn stood almost eye-to-eye with the creature. From this vantage point Finn could see that he was quite beautiful. His eyes were a curious light shade of brown, an intriguing contrast both with his exceedingly pale skin and his pitch-black hair. His human features were vaguely horse-like, with a long face, long nose, a wide mouth, and what Finn could see of his ears they appeared to be quite large, sticking out from the side of his head at an impressive angle. In his coloring and demeanor Kylo reminded Finn both of Kylo - the other Kylo, the satyr who liked to chase people, and then catch them, and then… - and Sir Ben, Finn’s own comrade. He’d noticed the similarities between Ben and Kylo before, and he thought it was interesting that here was another one; yet another tall, dark, awkwardly-angled Kylo. Finn wondered what the man that Rey pulled out from under the ground looked like. Did he look like them, too? What were the odds? He was quickly distracted from this thinking when Kylo lifted Finn’s dick from where he’d been cupping it in his left hand, and gave it an experimental squeeze.

“Hey!” Finn said, but Kylo didn’t let go, only looked into Finn’s eyes, tilted his head, and squeezed it again. Finn had been surprised, not offended, and it felt nice - Kylo’s hand was large, and warm, and although it was heavily calloused it was surprisingly gentle - so Finn nodded. “Yeah, you’re good.”

Kylo’s touch was inquisitive, almost sweet, although it was also clearly purposeful. He stroked Finn’s dick, pushed the foreskin back and examined his pink tip before pulling it up again. While he did this with his right hand his left curled further down, cupping Finn’s balls and squeezing them lightly in time with the squeezing of Finn’s shaft. Finn was pleased to hear the tone of Kylo’s nickers shift from mere curiosity to obviously impressed the longer he maneuvered Finn’s dick, and the longer and thicker Finn’s dick grew under his attention. Rey had been correct - Finn was a grower.

Finn and Kylo were both looking down between them, and Finn could tell that what Kylo was doing was affecting the horse man himself. Not only because of the noises he was making, but because his own dick - his human dick - was also growing more heavy, lengthening and hardening, beginning to push away from his body, the pink foreskin pulling down to expose the flushed head. A bead of precum leaked from the slit, and Finn tentatively reached out and dabbed it with his fingertip. Kylo stomped his front legs and released a high-pitched whinny, and when Finn looked up into his face to see if he might figure out what he meant, he was surprised when the horse man leaned forward and pressed his lips against Finn’s.

Another surprise, but not an unwelcome one. Kylo's mouth was warm, and his breath smelled of clover. Past the first touch of lips he was quite tentative, and as Finn leaned in to deepen the kiss it occurred to him that perhaps this was something Rey had taught him to do, and that he, Finn, was only the second person Kylo had kissed. It was a sweet thought, strangely sweet, so strange that Finn was a bit surprised that he'd had it. But the thought also emboldened him, and he grasped the horse man's dick and squeezed it. Kylo whined into Finn's mouth and stomped his front legs, giving Finn's own dick an answering squeeze.

They stood like that for a few moments, kissing and tugging at each other, and when Kylo snaked his left hand under the hem of Finn's tunic and found his bellybutton with his thumb, Finn went from wondering what was taking Rey so long to hoping she would continue taking her time. And when Kylo suddenly collapsed to the ground and took the tip of Finn's dick into his mouth, then sucked it all the way to the back of his throat and groaned around it, Finn thanked his lucky stars that his visit to Rey's had overlapped with Kylo's. He'd been so excited to have her all to himself, but this was an experience worth having.

"Well, you two seem to be getting along well!" Rey's voice floated up to them as she galavanted around the corner of the cottage, a green-colored glass bottle with a cork stopper in one hand and an extensive tangle of ropes gathered in her arms. She was completely naked, with her hair tied up under a bright green scarf, and she smelled of lavender instead of cum, which helped to explain what had taken her so long. She came up to join them, and dropped the ropes on the ground with a grunt, placing the bottle beside them. Then she took a fistful of Kylo's hair and tugged it taut. The horse man nicker-whined softly but made no move to take his mouth off Finn.

"I _told_ you," she admonished him, and he hummed in agreement.

"How are you?" She asked, looking up at Finn.

"Good," he murmured, "real good."

"You should tell him that," she said, giving Kylo's hair another tug. "He likes being told he's a good boy. Don't you, Kylo?" Kylo answered by sucking Finn further down his throat and swallowing around him. It felt like being consumed, and Finn loved it.

"That feels so good, Kylo," he tried it out, taking his own handful of the horse man's thick, soft mane and tugging on it. Kylo's breath hitched, and his tail rose into the air, both of which Finn considered to be good signs. He didn't have much experience with praise, except where Tempest was concerned, so he thought about the time that the horse got himself stuck in the mud and he’d had to get the stupid animal out. The concept was the same although the situation was different. "You're a good, uh, boy aren't you. Yes you are. Sucking my dick so well. You deserve a carrot for being so good to me. Maybe if you keep being good I'll give you an apple when this is over."

A small part of Finn was afraid that he’d said the wrong thing, that Kylo would be offended by his words and think Finn was condescending to him, but either he didn't care or he was actively into it because he continued sucking on Finn's dick like it was the sweetest sugar lump ever. He ran his hands under Finn's tunic from his belly up to his chest, rolling his nipples between his fingers before moving them back down his torso, gazing up at Finn adoringly while tears leaked out of his eyes and made tracks down his pale cheeks. Rey's hands tugging down the back of his breeches brought Finn's attention back to her. She’d climbed up onto the bench next to him when he’d been otherwise occupied. 

“What-” he started, and she held up her hand, coated with oil that she’d poured from the green glass bottle.

“I need to prepare you, Finn,” she explained, reaching around his front, over Kylo’s head and back down behind him to pull his right cheek away, then lowering her oily right hand into his crack. To get her arm around she had to press herself up against him, and the sensation of her pubic hair rubbing against his hip was almost too much to bear; he couldn’t help thinking about the sweetness that lay just beneath it, her swollen lips, the nub of her clit - perfect for kissing, and so sensitive she could sometimes come from the merest breath laid to it - and between her legs, that secret cavern of joy and pleasure. Well - not so secret, since she shared it with everybody she met, but that’s what made it so joyful, he supposed. Her breasts against his arm and her lips, which pressed soft kisses against her shoulder, were distracting as well.

Rey’s fingers breached his asshole, probing gently, first shallowly and then more deeply as his muscles relaxed, and he continued tugging on Kylo's hair, and the horse man continued whining and nickering around Finn’s dick. It was a good few minutes, but far too soon Rey’s fingers were out of Finn’s ass, and she pushed her clean palm against Kylo’s forehead. Finn’s dick, which was by this point fully erect and weeping, slid out of Kylo's mouth with a wet _pop_ , and both men groaned with the loss.

"Oh, come on you two," she said, pushing Finn off the bench and taking Kylo's hand, encouraging him to stand. "I'm feeling left out. Let's all fuck together."

"Can I fuck you?" Finn asked as she picked up the ropes and began the process of untangling them. "I've missed you so much, you're all I've been thinking about since I left the northern reaches." 

"Aw, that's sweet."

She wandered up the hill and he followed her, waddling uncertainly, holding his breeches up around his thighs in a valiant attempt to keep them from falling down, but she just turned around and wandered back down to Kylo again. She dropped about half of the ropes, which appeared to be some kind of net, and gestured at the horse man.

"It is a nice idea, but Kylo has two cocks, and it seems a shame not to fuck both of them at once."

Finn glanced back at Kylo, who had his human dick in hand and who was watching Rey with interest; and then at his horse dick, which was also hanging, hard and very long, down from between his back legs. The sight made Finn's mouth water, and he had to admit that Rey's logic was sound.

Rey noticed Finn looking, and she asked, "Do you want his front cock or his back one?" It was a tough choice, and he thought about it silently for a moment. Once Rey was satisfied with the untangling of the second net she came over to stand next to him and took a look for herself. Kylo preened, tail held high in the air, clearly pleased by their attention.

"What are you thinking?" She finally asked, biting her lip and glancing up at him through her eyelashes. Her eyes were lovely, a woody golden green that reminded Finn of sunlight peeking through leaves of an oak tree, and Finn considered telling her that he was thinking about how beautiful she was, but he knew that wasn't what she wanted to hear. So he bit his tongue on that matter and told the truth instead.

"I'm thinking that I have never, ever thought about fucking a horse, but his back dick is looking pretty good right now."

Rey's eyes sparkled. "But?" She said after a moment of silence. "I feel like there's a _but_ there."

"The _but_ is that I don't think it would fit in my butt," Finn replied. "Remember what happened when the other Kylo caught me down by the river and tried to fuck me on the boulder?"

Rey's eyes grew wide. "Oh yeah, I do. That was an ordeal."

"It was. So I'm thinking I'll take his front dick, and you can take his back one. If that works for you?"

Rey nodded vigorously. "Oh yes. His back one is a challenge and I can’t take all of it, but I like it. Does that work for you, Kylo?" The horse man reared up a few inches off the ground, causing both of his dicks to wave around, and he neighed loudly. It sounded a lot like consent to Finn.

"So where's the stool?" Finn asked. I thought you went in to get a stool for me to stand on."

"Oh ho ho, I had a better idea." Rey replied, holding up the net in her hands so that it unrolled, the far edge of it almost touching the ground. "Sometimes Kylo - the other Kylo - and I get lazy, and we rig up one of these old hammocks on a tree, or right on his body, and we fuck that way." She handed it to Finn and he took it. Indeed the net was a hammock, wide in the middle and tapering on both ends, finishing with several feet of rope.

"So you think we can use these to hang ourselves off Kylo?"

"Yes. If he'll let us. What do you think, Kylo?"

Kylo shook his mane and danced in a little circle, whuffing happily as he did. Rey gave him a solid pat on his hindquarters once he was done and she could safely get close enough to touch him.

"I guess that’s a yes,” Rey laughed, and took a step back to survey the situation. After a few minutes of talking through the options, the three of them decided that it made the most sense for Finn to help Rey get settled in her sling first, and then Kylo and Finn could work together to get Finn into his sling. 

“That way there are two of us to set up each sling, so I’m not left all alone.” Rey stuck her lower lip out in an exaggerated pout, and Finn kissed it. He was very pleased when, instead of snorting in jealousy, Kylo bent his front legs, lowering himself enough that he could lean down and kiss her, too. Then he turned right around and kissed Finn as well. Rey sighed. “I love that you guys are getting along so well. Kylo’s new at kissing but he’s getting better and better each time. Come on now, Finn, help string me up get Kylo’s horse cock in me. And take off your fucking clothes.”

Finn jumped to it, kicking off his breeches (which were already down to his thighs) and tugging his tunic off over his head while Rey watched, amused. Then while Kylo waited patiently, Rey and Finn tied the hammock around his middle, leaving just enough space between the net and his belly for Rey to be able to swing herself up and down Kylo’s dick. Once they’d checked the knots and made sure they were tight enough to hold, she climbed in awkwardly, with a lot of assistance from Finn, electing to lie on her back this time instead of facing the ground. “It feels a little more intimate this way,” she admitted. “I can kiss his chest, if I want to.” Once again, Finn couldn’t argue with her logic, and he was happy to crouch on the ground and hold Rey’s body while she kicked her legs and pulled herself into the hammock. Once she was settled - her back facing the ground and her knees up by her shoulders, hear head reaching just behind Kylo’s front legs - she rocked back and forward a few times, experimentally, Kylo’s back dick, thick and solid, rubbing against the outside of her cunt and reaching up to her belly.

“Oh, yeah,” she moaned, allowing her head to fall back and wrapping both hands around the dick, using the palm of her right hand to smear the copiously dripping precum over the head. Finn could hear Kylo’s satisfied whinnies from far above them. “I love this cock so fucking much, I can’t wait to come on it again. This is going to feel so fucking good. Good fucking.” She laughed, only slightly hysterically, and rubbed herself against Kylo’s dick.

“You doing all right up there, Kylo?” Finn yelled up to him, and Kylo stomped his front legs and nickered. 

“Hey, hey!” Rey yelled. She grabbed Finn’s arm. “Finn, can you get the oil? Then you can help me impale myself. I’m pretty wet but I want to make sure he’ll just slide right in.” 

Finn hopped up, grabbed the bottle of oil, and helped Rey rub some of it on Kylo’s dick; the horse man nickered happily and leaked more precum as they worked on him. When she was satisfied with its slickness, he held it steady while Rey swung back and positioned its head right at her opening. 

“Is that going to fit?” Finn asked, eyeing both the substantial phallus, and the relatively small hole between Rey’s legs.

She laughed again. “It worked earlier, and I didn’t even use the oil that time. It’ll be fine.” Her voice was slightly breathy, and the hysteria in her laugh was reflected in her eyes. “Finn, will you hold him while I take him? Please? It’s gonna feel so good, I want you to be there, I want you to see him in me.” She was beyond turned on, her face and chest were flushed and her pupils were wide and shining black. Finn thought she’d never looked more beautiful, and there was no way he was going to tell her no.

Finn grasped Kylo’s dick and held it steady while Rey released her hold on the swing and it shifted back, taking her along with it, and Kylo slid into her at the same time. Rey moaned and squeaked and wiggled as the horse dick slowly disappeared into her body, stretching her wide and giving her a visible bulge as it worked its way under her mons and into her pelvis. Kylo nickered softly above and Finn heard him moving around - maybe he was trying to twist around to see what was happening, but Finn doubted he would be able to see. It was a shame, really, that he couldn’t.

“Are you all right?” Finn asked when she paused, having taken only about half of Kylo’s dick. “Is it too much?”

“Of course it’s too much!” Rey groaned, and lowered her right hand from where it had been holding onto the net to press the heel of her palm against her clit. “It’s a horse cock! It’s not made for a human. It is absolutely too much and it is _perfect_ , fuck, I’m gonna come so hard.” She looked straight up, which meant she was looking up between Kylo’s front legs, and then she stared at Finn. “What are you still doing here? Go string yourself up on his other cock, so we can all come. I’ll wait for you, you just let me know when you’re ready, yes?”

Finn was pretty sure he hadn’t moved so quickly before in his life. It was difficult, because he was so turned on from having helped Rey impale herself on Kylo’s horse dick, his own dick was so hard that it hurt, and his ass missed Rey’s fingers and yearned to be filled by Kylo’s other dick. But Kylo was as excited as he was, and started tying one of the ropes around his middle while Finn dragged the bench over so he could stand on it, bringing them eye-to-eye once more.

“Hi, Kylo,” Finn breathed, and Kylo answered with a husky whinny before he wrapped one arm around Finn’s back, grabbed their dicks together firmly with his other hand, and kissed Finn soundly on the mouth. Finn wondered if he was ever going to be able to look at his own Tempest the same way again, and he figured that it was really too late to be asking himself that question, and that on top of that he really didn’t care. They only stopped kissing and rubbing against each other when Rey wailed from between Kylo’s front legs.

"I can see your feet, Finn! Strap in and hop on that cock _right now_ or I am going to come without you! Kylo, you help him or I'm getting you out of me before I have my orgasm, and then you'll _both_ be really sorry!"

“Oh shit,” Finn babbled, "shit, shit, shit." Kylo whinnied sympathetically and lifted Finn up with one arm, settling his legs through the net before lifting the other end of the hammock over his right shoulder and pulling the rope around and behind him, then tying it into the netting at his front. While they worked Rey whined and shouted encouragement up at them. Finn caught occasional glimpses of green from between Kylo’s front legs as she worked herself on the horse man’s dick.

“Your horse cock feels so good, Kylo, I wish you could see how it stretches me out and fills me up… I’m thinking about the two of you together and it’s making me so hot, I want to watch you fuck each other, and come together… I’m gonna be thinking about you when I come, please hurry up, _please_ , I wanna come so bad, come with you…”

It was distracting and encouraging all at once, and by the time they were done Finn thought he was near insanity. The result of their work was a comfy little sling that held Finn tight against Kylo's body. Despite his almost overwhelming lust, Finn still took a moment to wrap one arm around Kylo’s neck, and to simply appreciate the closeness. They kissed, and gazed into each other’s eyes, and Finn savored the warmth of Kylo’s skin, the strength of his body, the sweet scent of his breath. It felt to Finn just a little bit like the calm before the storm, and he was determined to enjoy it.

"Woah, you're strong," Finn said, rubbing the palm of his other hand across the planes of Kylo’s chest and plucking at his nipples. Kylo nickered seductively as he lifted Finn’s knees up to his shoulders, swung him out, and when he came back, swiftly inserted the head of his dick into Finn’s slicked up hole. 

“Rey, he’s in!” Finn choked out. 

“I wish I could see it!” She wailed in reply. “I bet it looks _fucking hot_.”

Finn had to admit that it most likely did look fucking hot. 

Kylo lowered his right hand to cradle Finn’s butt cheek and grasped his shoulder with his left, and after a moment - when Finn’s muscles stopped clenching around the intrusion - he slowly pushed Finn all the way onto his dick, until he was fully hilted. Finn wiggled, as Rey had done on Kylo’s other dick minutes before, as she was probably still doing now, and the thought of her, stretched out around Kylo’s monster horse dick, coupled with Kylo’s other dick in his ass, was almost enough to make Finn come immediately. The entire time this was happening Kylo was so close to him, gazing at him intensely with his honey brown eyes, bright with curiosity and desire.

“Are you ready, my good boy?” Finn asked quietly, and Kylo squeezed him closer and kissed his cheek. Finn could feel him tensing up with excitement. “We’re with you, baby!” Finn called down to Rey. “Get ready to come!”

“ _IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!_ ” Rey shouted back, her voice thick with lust, and Finn knew that he and Kylo had to come _now_. So he clenched his inner muscles and started thrusting himself against Kylo, which gave him the hint and he used his arms to move Finn exactly the way he needed him. 

“You’re so fucking good,” Finn murmured, reaching a hand up to fist in Kylo’s hair. “Such a good boy, such a good _horse_ , fucking me and Rey at once, you’re gonna make us both come at once. You’re such a special creature, aren’t you, and you’re _ours_. You’ll definitely be getting an apple after this.” 

Kylo closed his eyes and whined, fucking Finn against him as hard as he could. Kylo stretched Finn perfectly, filled him up, and every stroke passed over that bundle of nerves inside him that made him shudder and whine. Finn relished the feeling.

When Rey started screaming in earnest - it felt as though only seconds had passed - Finn grabbed his dick and moved his foreskin up and down his shaft as quickly and with as much pressure as he could take. The next few moments were a blur, involving Rey’s screams and Kylo’s neighing and grunting, a near blackout, and massive amounts of cum, most of which flowed out of Rey and Finn as they extracted themselves from their respective hammocks.

“Oof!” Rey grunted as she rolled off onto the ground, where she lay quietly in the dirt until Finn hopped down off the bench - giving Kylo a kiss of thanks first - and helped her to stand.

“Goodness me!” She exclaimed, dusting herself off and examining the sticky substance that coated her thighs. “That was quite wonderful. You know how impatient I am, I hate waiting, but I always come so hard when I delay it like that. How was yours?”

“Wonderful too. Kylo’s front dick works well, you should try it sometime.”

Rey laughed and glanced up at Kylo, who was shaking his mane and looking very proud of himself. 

“Yes yes, Kylo, you’re a very good boy.” Kylo whinnied and stomped his front legs.

“I promised him an apple if he was good,” Finn explained, and Rey leaned over and gave Kylo a little kiss on his belly button. 

“Well, he was very good, so let’s get these hammocks off him and then we can get him an apple.”

“I have some in my saddlebag,” Finn said, and the three of them very quickly divested Kylo of the hammocks. Once that was done Finn picked up his tunic and breeches, and they all made their way around the cottage and headed down towards the river. Tempest was still tied there by the path, and when Kylo saw him he whinnied, and Tempest whinnied a response, and Kylo galloped away from the two humans to greet the horse. By the time Finn and Rey reached them they were nickering like old friends, and Tempest was giving Finn sidelong glances that he wasn’t sure what to do with.

“They’re probably comparing notes about your ass,” Rey whispered as he dug through his saddlebag looking for apples. “It is a very nice ass.” She glanced behind him, and raised an eyebrow. He handed one of the apples to Kylo, who accepted it with a nicker of thanks, and held the other one out to Tempest, because it seemed rude not to. While the horse and the horse man continued chatting, Finn took Rey’s hand and pulled her towards the river.

“Let’s clean up and then decide what to do next.”

“I want to do Kylo’s front cock next, if you don’t mind,” she answered, interlacing their fingers and picking carefully through the leaf cover. She pulled the scarf off her head as they walked, and her hair fell back down around her shoulders. “Are you ready to try his back cock?”

Finn laughed and paused at the water’s edge. “Maybe I’ll just watch, if that’s fine with you.”

Rey laughed too - that bewitching, marvelous laugh - and waded into the water. “That sounds wonderful, Finn.”

So that’s what they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about horses, but I found [this page](https://www.learn-about-horses.com/horse-communication.html/) helpful in coming up with sounds for Kylo to make. The sounds I used in this story:
> 
> Whinny: A rather loud, bugling and free sounding call that is one of the most loved sounds horses make.  
> Translations: _Hi, who's that? Hey! I'm over here!_
> 
> Neigh: A sound that is almost like a whinny, just a little bit deeper.  
> Translations: _Hello, can you see me? I can see you!_
> 
> Nicker: The best and most welcoming horse sound in the world. The nicker is a low, rumbling sound that is made  
> in the horse's throat. You might hear this sound when a horse greets another horse - or you! – or at feeding time.  
> Translations: _Hello, I missed you! Mmm, what's that? It sure smells great! Welcome back, I'm glad to see you!_
> 
> Snort: A sound that horses make by pushing all the air in their lungs out hard through their nostrils. It sounds  
> quite a lot like the snort you make when you are objecting to something except it's a lot louder and more fluttery.  
> Translations: _Oh, watch out! What's that? I don't like it! It's scary! Who's that guy? He looks suspicious!_
> 
> Squeal: A high-pitched, ear-piercing scream that is so loud that it can be heard from hundreds of meters away.  
> Translations: _Hey! Stop it! Cut it out! Ouch, that hurt me! I'm warning you, if you don't stop that then I'm going to really get mad!_
> 
> Grunts and groans: These sounds are all kind of the same. Grunts and groans are often made if the horse is exercising, being rubbed or massaged.  
> Translations: _Ugg, this is pushing my fitness. Oh, that feels nice! Hmm, that's good._
> 
> I'm @FlowersOfCarrot on Twitter and leofgyth on Tumblr, come say hello and yell at me about Kylo with two dicks!
> 
> Actually I just realized I have written Kylo with two dicks before! Although I guess technically that's a spoiler, oops. I wrote it for Persimonne because she's bae. It's called [First Night](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16722018).

**Author's Note:**

> I'm leofgyth on Tumblr, FlowersOfCarrot on Twitter, and leoba on Pillowfort, come say hi!


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